Hollie Darrell Smith

I was out walking around today where the garden was.  I was thinking about the pine trees.   We were using the chipper to chip into little peices .  When we all had gotten into one of the worst ant's nest. They started biting Dale and me first, then they went to you and started biting you.  You said they were not bothering you, but then we would see you smack yourself because an ant bit you.  That day was so funny. The ants would bite so hard  that Dale and I were doing a little jig. Especially when the ants would go up or down our backs.  I miss you so much.

I wish you were here so we can do our usual routines.  Like go riding around on the atv or the tractor.  We would be out cutting grass or anything we could get our paws in.

It is to empty without you here. I know this farm was our dream, but it's hard without you here.  I'm ready to move back to West Virginia around family. Hope the farm will sale soon.     I LOVE AND MISS YOU, HUGS AND KISSES

I think about you all the time. Sometimes I laugh, sometimes I cry, sometimes I do both at the same time. I try to remember all of the good times we had. I think of things I want to tell you, then I remember that you're in heaven. It dawned on me tonight that this will be my first birthday without you. It really sucks. I remember last year when you sat on the swing with mom and me. You put one arm around mom and one around me and kissed me on the head. I'll never forget the feeling I had, a flash went through my brain that something bad was going to happen. Little did I know that it was going to happen four days later. I wish that I would have asked you to go to the doctor. I doubt that you would have, but I should have tried. I feel so bad sometimes that I didn't catch some of the symptoms you had. I look back and can see how swollen your face and hands were. I could swear that you were expressing signs of CHF. I just didn't catch them. I'm so sorry that I didn't see them then. I could have helped you. I miss you more than anything. It seems surreal that you are gone, like I'm in a bad dream and can't wake up. My heart is broken. I love you, daddy.

Well, Buffy Dear, I was talking to one of the girls in my class and told her about how we used to go riding around and end up wherever the road took us.  I told her about the time we ended up in "Grungy", VA and that I didn't realize your window was cracked and I yelled at a guy running beside the road. I said "run old man, run" and told her about him turning to look at us and you turning red and laughing. I love all the times we just jumped in the car and it didn't matter where we were going. We ended up where we ended up. I remember one time when we went riding aound up north and we stopped at a bp for something to eat and drink.  My chicken sandwich haunted me for like a week because it gave me food poisoning. I miss you so much. Life is so much different without you here to give me advice and joke around with. I know you are being taken care of, but I would have like to have, ooooh say 60 more years with you. You're the best daddy on earth. I love you. Your Muffy Dear.

 When ever I go to Emma's or even to the store and come back I expect to see you in your big chair.  At night I go to the back door and look out the window , expecting to see you coming through the fields.  I wish I could had done more to help you that night.  I wish I would had went out with you that night. I don't like being here without you.  .      

I hope the farm sales soon, so  I can find a house in west virginia or close to a place so that Emma can get a job and be close to it.  I hope the farm sale this summer.  

I needed at least 50 years or more with you.  We were suppose to grow old together.

I love and miss you so muchhugs and kisses.

 

I was reading a book last night and it made me think of you and what happens after life ends. I want to talk to you and have you talk to me. I know you are in my heart all of our hearts but sometimes it is just not enough.
Bren sent me a couple of really funny letters and this made me think of all the funny stuff the two of you sent to each other. She wanted me to tell you about the one legged animal she tracked from Daddy's to her house in the snow. She was getting really scared by the time she got to her front porch. She couldn't figure out what kind of animal would  make a round  one footed track. As she was about to faint from fright she realized it was her cane. I laughed so hard I almost peed on myself. I could just picture her trying to walk faster trying to get away from the round footed monster that made tracks beside her footprints. Only Bren could come up with that one.
When its my time will you and mom come and get me so I won't be to afraid ?