Hollie Darrell Smith

Thanksgiving and Christmas aren't going to be the same.  You always helped me make the stuffing for the turkey, taste test the deviled eggs and all the goodies.  Making the jello pies will not be the same, because you will not be there to eat them as they set.  The holidays are going to be blue without you.   Tell Bub, I need you down here with me for Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners.    I miss you so, so much.  I LOVE YOU!!

I miss you sooo very much. I think that I am now hitting the anger phase of grief. I am so angry that the doctors didn't catch what was going on. I am so sorry that you were in alot of pain at the end. If I could trade places with you, I would in a heartbeat. I love you so much. I fee like there is a hole that will not ever be filled. I get upset at myself because I couldn't help you more. I wish I would have been able to. I think about how we used to go hunting, fishing, riding around WV, having water fights, you throwing acorns at us. Those are such good memories. I try to think about all the good times we had. I wish that we would have had more time with you, so we could make new memories. Oh, how I miss you! You truly are the best dad! You know, I can't even remember what the majority of our arguements were over. I guess it doesn't matter. All that matters is that we set aside what ever it was and became so close. I like that. I have good days and then I have days like today where I miss you and wish I could hug you and talk to you. I love you!

Honey, remember one time Dale, you, and I came to stay at the farm for a week to cut down some trees. Dale and I broke out with cedar tree rash, and then the ants would bite us. It hurt so bad  that they left whelps.

I want to go riding all over the property with you again.  You would take me back on the hill so we could see what we own and  view the house and land  from a far,  the view is so pretty.  love and missin' you

Hey Baby Brother, Stan and I walked around the property everyday sometimes twice a day. I understand why you and Merry chose that farm. It's peaceful and beautiful. We picked hickory nuts and gathered rocks. Stan couldn't wait to look them up on the internet to find out just what kind of rocks they were. He said he could spend days just looking for rocks. Stan played on your tractor a couple of days and I cut a little grass on the little lawn mower and weed eated around the cistern. I was afraid someone would roll the tractor if they tried to mow that bank. No one has gotten as good as you were on it. It looks odd for someone other than you to be on it.

I have a really hard time going to the farm, the closer I get the more I panic because I know your not there. But once I get there I'm okay. As okay as I can be under the circumstances. When I walked in one of the fields I knew that you had been there. When I looked at all the different trees I thought of you and I wanted to ask you what types they were. You had so much fun showing us around the first time we came to the farm. Pointing out all the different type trees and telling us your plans for the future. I can't stand not being able to talk to you and all of us need more time with you. I can't let you go. I need to tell you that I love you one more time. I need to hear you laugh one more time. I need to talk to you one more time and I want to see Merry, Em and Dale smile again. The family has lost a spoke out of our wheel and we can't get it to roll correctly or in the right direction. We keep going in circles.

Merry gave me a cherry tree that the two of you had ordered a few months ago and it arrived in time for fall planting. Stan, Owen and I planted it yesterday evening. I'll think of you every time I look at it.

I miss you so much.

I love you.

I had a pretty rough day yesterday.  I procrastinated coming home.  Once I get to mom's, I don't want to leave.  It seems to get harder and harder to leave.  I keep thinking that you are going to come out of one of the fields.  I read the records that the urologist sent, and I read some things that they didn't tell you.  It made me so angry.  I want to ask them if your life was worth anything to them, because you sure meant the world to us.  You still mean the world to me.  Sometimes I feel bad because I didn't visit as much as I should have.  I am glad that I talked with you on the phone.  I still feel like you left us too soon.  You should have had 50 more years with us.  I love you sooo much.  You really are the best dad on earth.  You are dearly missed and loved!!!!